today sucked. It just....oh, it was awful. People still have the capability to make me feel inhuman, lower than anything that has ever existed...I am ugly because of my past, because I was abused, and I am even uglier for understanding my abuse, for not being appalled and disgusted by it. How long can you hold yourself away, and be disgusted by the things that are part of you, though? How long do I have to hate what made me who I am before I am allowed to accept it?
I am shaking and hurt and I keep having flashbacks, of being invisible, of being hurt, of being unwanted. I can't stop feeling so small and so ugly, sub-human..I used to feel this way all the time when I was little, and that just makes me feel uglier. They talked about abuse and neglect like a lifetime movie or the news, something foreign and outside of their understanding. It'd not outside of my understanding, it is my understanding...it's my life. I am that little girl in the lifetime movie, or on the news. It makes me feel slimey all over...it makes my skin itch.
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