defective

So, I've wondered since i can remember, how I got cerebral palsy. I've asked about a thousand teachers, but none ever actually answered. I tried the internet, but I couldn't find anything there, either.

A commercial just told me, though, that it typically happens during delivery. So, it's not my mom's fault, I guess. I don't know why that makes me feel so much better, to know that she didn't do it to me. Even if she had, it's not like she meant to, you know? Still, it makes me feel so much better, to think that it wasn't her fault, there was nothing she could do. Who knows, maybe she was even angry with the doctors, for whatever happened that caused it.

...okay, i doubt that. My mom doesn't remember my delivery, and I will never know anything that happened that day. When I was a little girl, I used to pretend that I knew, that it was snowing big fat flakes, the kind that will always make me think of Christmas, even when they fall in March. I used to pretend that it was snowing, and that the sky was that dark, deep blue, and the snow looked all blue and glowy, those big fat flakes were like drops of grey-blue sky falling down .

Silly. Back then, I pretended that it was snowing. Now, I'm pretending that she cares.