on the count of three!

...I just reached 28,100 words. Out of 50,000.


I don't think anyone I've talked to understands how big this is for me. I know other people have done nanowrimo, and finished, and had their 100 pages or so turned into a book. Awesome. And I know it's no big thing, to write 100 pages, to have those 50,000 words...but it is for me. I've always done my little online fanfictions, or my crappy stories that could be novels, only I never, ever finish them. But this? I have 55 pages, right now. And I will finish, I'm so close, I know what I want to say, it's just going to take time to say it. This is really happening, I am going to have a book of my words, to hold in my hand and share with the world.

There are no words to describe how beautiful this is to me. I have so much to say, so much that has been building and overwhelming, so much that needs to get out of me. And I can show it, and I can share it...my soul will be on pages, for anyone and everyone to see. I love this feeling. I can't say it enough, cannot possibly express the joy I feel, in knowing that each day I get to pour a little bit more of myself onto the pages. All I want is for someone to get it, to really, truly understand...and maybe i'm expecting too much, I don't know. This is so important to me, this is so vital and uplifting, and I want someone, anyone to be happy for me, to understand that I have not felt this overjoyed, and proud and complete and just euphoric in years, years and years and years. I guess that's just how we humans are - feelings aren't worth feeling if there is no one to reciprocate, and share with. Or, maybe that's just me.