Shut. Up.

of course, I want to be sick. Don't you know, I skip out on my vegetables and forget to take my vitamins on purpose? I love having a throat that hurts, and a chest that is aching, and a nose that is so, so sore from all the blowing and the dripping. I love people looking at me like I'm going to give them the swine flu when I cough, even though I cover my mouth and wash my hands constantly, to the point where they are now cracking with dryness.

I love this. I live for it.

My system keeps crashing on the weekends, like I pull through just until I have to, and then BOOM. I get home on Friday and I can't breathe, my head hurts, I'm feverish and my skin hurts, my very bones hurt. I am so stressed. I am so stressed, and I feel like something must be awfully wrong with me, because everyone else does this, they all go to school and have jobs and hobbies and succeed, they succeed and they don't die in the process, they don't drag themselves through the week to fall over, almost dead for the weekend. How much worse is it going to get when I go to university? When I'm a social worker? When I have kids, and a husband, and everybody wants me to make them happy?

I feel like such crap, and I hate that she's blaming me for it. I spent the whole day at Cassie's, blowing my nose in the bathroom and washing my hands obsessively, to make sure I didn't infect anyone there. I couldn't be home, though, I just couldn't do it. It's my fault that I'm sick, and I'm going to get the kids sick. Who wants to be sick? I just have a crappy immune system, I always have. My throat hurts, and I'm boogery. It sucks.