pianissimo

Today, I was listening to Regina Spektor - I love The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, I do, but I needed something happier - and I was fantasizing. I'm silly...I like to think about performing, even though

a) I can't sing to save my life

and

b) I haven't played an instrument in YEARS

If I ever did perform, it would be a little thing, in a Barnes and Noble the way Aaron does. But, that'll never happen....

Anywho, I was listening, and singing along...and I just had thins longing to play again. I stopped playing guitar in 10th grade...I stopped piano in 8th. I haven't played the piano in like, six years...but there's one in my house, and it's not going anywhere, and I still have the books. Could I learn?

Do I have the time? I don't know. But I miss the feeling of the keys beneath my fingers, I miss the way my hands glided over them, and the feeling of my hand contorting, struggling so hard to span an octave, coerce a beautiful sound. I could hardly read music then, and I certainly can't now, but I still want to try. Writing is a wonderful outlet, but there are so many things words can't say. Music...music is more primal, something close to the heart. Words are lovely, but we as humans....we need to use our hands, too, to feel completely connected with our expressions, to create with our bodies, and not just our minds.

I sound silly, I know. The thought of pounding those keys though, of my body rocking back and forth again, of being completely lost in the sound....I look forward to that immensly.