tired

I'm done....I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. I feel like right now, I have nothing left of myself to give, like I'm empty, all hollow and echo-y inside. I slept for ten hours this morning, then took a two hour nap this afternoon...and I'm still tired. I spent all night writing a paper, I'll spend all tommorrow writing a paper...I really don't know when I'll next have time for me. Monday night I'm working on a project (which might wind up on youtube, go figure) and I won't be able to sleep well until we do the presentation on Wednesday, which is going to be so damn embarassing.

I'm sleepy. I just want to not, you know? I want school to be over...but it's not. Two more weeks, right? After tommorrow, all my major projects will be taken care of. After Wednesday, all I'll have to worry about is finals.

This is going to sound awful, but I'm going to say it anyway: I'm looking forward to having my wisdom teeth out. Weird, right? It's going to hurt, and I'm going to look awful and chipmunk-y, and only be able to eat soft liquid-y things, and I'll have gaping holes in my face. Then again, it's december 18th, right? A friday. I don't have school, I took off work...I'll get my teeth pulled out, get put on strong, STRONG drugs for a day or two, and have an excuse to just sort of veg out. No school, no work..nothing, just free time and sleep. So much sleep, so much writing..maybe even just video games, y'know? No one will expect me to do anything, though....I won't have anything that needs to be done, I can sleep all day without getting yelled at or feeling guilty, I'll be knocked out on painkillers for so much of it....I'm just looking forward to being allowed to feel like crap. I have this can-do attitude all the time, it's become something that people expect of me. I feel like I'm not allowed to be weak, not allowed to have those moments where I'm just pissed at the world, or annoyed, or angry. Everything is so quick with me, though - I'm mad, then I'm done. I don't understand why it's such a hard concept to grasp, why no one seems to understand, even now, that I won't stay angry, it's almost physically impossible for me...I just need to fume for a while, get it out of my system.

I should go to bed. I want to be up by 10 tommorrow, start my paper AT THE LATEST by noon. Paper and test....I'll be busy, tommorrow. It's okay, though, because I'll be free on the 18th...free, and probably high as a kite.