failure

I missed the final for my online test....and now i'm pretty sure I'm going to fail it.

It was totally my fault, I misread the date and that is TOTALLY my fault. I'm so ashamed...I'll probably have to take the course over, it's going to mess up my GPA. I'm embarassed, I'm frustrated, I keep face-palming and I want to cry so much.

I'm smart. It's one of my only redeeming qualities. I'm not particularly pleasant, I'm not pretty, I'm not charming....but I'm smart. I'm not even all that smart, to be honest...and I'm kind of lazy...but it's something, you know? Maybe it's my mother's rejection, maybe it's the fact that I'm adopted and something needs to make me worth keeping...I always feel like I have to prove to people that I deserve the space i'm taking up on the Earth, though, that I'm worth it. I don't feel so worth it right now - epic fail, to the nth degree. I wasn't supposed to do bad. I've been taking 18 credits every semester since my first semester, and I'm been fine. My counselor even gives me rave reviews. And I was brag worthy and I was doing good, and now I have fallen flat on my face and wasted my parents' money and wasted my time. I'm probably going to have to take this class over, I'm going to have a 3. God-knows-what.....I know it's not going to be a big deal in a little while, hopefully, but I still want to cry so much. It's like the ultimate sign of weakness....they stressed and they piled on the pressure and I didn't stay solid - I cracked.