servings

This weekend, all I ate was peanutbutter cookies (so good) grape soda (I hate grape but I've been craving it for days) and soup. Delicious, soul-warming soup.

I feel pretty disgusting now. I worked out last night, but I still feel like there's sludge in my veins. I can't wait to work out tonight. I never imagined I would be so into it - before, it was just because I'm afraid of getting fat. I'm starting to love it, though. I love feeling like my body is capable of things, instead of focusing on cerebral palsy, and all the things I can't do. And it's stress relieving, and I just feel so good afterwards. I've been getting healthier lately, with my food habits too. I'm noticing that the more I focus on being healthy, eating good, excercise...the less I worry about being skinny, or who I'm fatter than, or how I measure up. And it's been so long since I've done that ...not since before 6th grade have I not been constantly preoccupied with how I compare with every other female around me. But I am gaining security, I am learning to love my body, with its fat and its bone, and the skin and muscle...I will never be perfect, so I might as well love what I am, right?

My next project is to get my correct amount of daily servings in. I'm most concerned with fruits and vegetables...grains I'll be careful about, dairy I doubt I'll make. I'd like to cut down my junk intake, but rather than take away, I'm concentrating on switching over - veggie soup instead of pasta for dinner, veggie-central lunches instead of empty calorie lunches. More fruit juice, less tea. The best thing is that a lot of these changes I'm already making, and I'm so surprised - they're really not that difficult. I tried all of this last year, and it would last a week or two, and then be over. Light dinners are effortless, now, though, and I'm finding that I don't even like potato chips - I prefer pretzels with honey mustard, when I can.

Last week was so bad, but today is so, so good, and I only hope this week is just as good. I did poorly on a test today, too, but I still feel so energized, and wonderful. I am so happy....