but daddy, I love him!

Poor, poor Chad's car. His battery died today, and so we ran to get a battery. Or would have, but we couldn't get his out - my dad only had english measurement rachets, and he needed metric.

It took forever - we went out to get the rachets, picked up a lightbulb for my poor, busted rear blinker, and headed home. He took out the battery, and then we went to Wally World to pick up a new battery. And maybe that sounds like an awful lot of back and forth, but it was fun. Enjoyable, even. It was sunny and nice, and we listened to 'Warning' over and over (he won't admit it, but he TOTALLY loves the title song. I saw him boppin' along), and while he worked on the car, I laid out on my mexian blanket and read...and watched. It was so much fun. I don't know why I keep feeling this way, but it seems almost every weekend we spend together, I have a revelation, like 'oh...that's why I love him!'. I don't know how I forgot...I guess it's just part of the sleep that took over after Lisa left. Either way, this weekend was exhausting, but lovely...I had so much fun just being with him. I laughed so much this weekend, over the silliest things, and it felt so good, to be alive like that.

But, of course, there are my parents. Chad was parked behind me, and when we took my car to go to K-Mart for the rachets, I backed out. It was tight, but he was standing outside the car helping me, and I probably could have done it. She ran out of the house screaming, practically, and then I just froze up. I should have just continued, but with her there, waiting for me to screw up, I couldn't do it. I got out and let her handle it, just like she wanted. I hate that message they keep sending - 'you can't do it. stop trying.' They won't let me do anything on my own, but they won't offer to help, either. I can't drive anywhere too far by myself, but nobody has the time to practice with me. They get mad when I fix my own lightbulb, but they've let it go for half a week, so nobody knows when I'm turning left. The worst part is when I know I can, I know I can, but they're so discouraging that I just give up, because it's easier, and then I hate myself for it.

They put a damper on everything. And after Chad left, of course, it only got worse. My dad just doesn't seem to understand that Chad doesn't have 4 grand to fork over for a good used car. And we get into this argument all the time -

Dad: why doesn't he just get a good used car that will actually last?

Me: because he has to pay for his schooling, and he doesn't have the cash.

D: but he's putting more money into it becuase it's not a good car.

M: Yes, but he doesn't have the upfront cash to buy a good used car.

D: but he's got enough money to come up here all the time, and to pay for all the car problems.

M: that's only like, 50 bucks a month. His car doesn't always do this - typically it's good.

D: He should just buy a good, used car. You get what you pay for.

M: But he doesn't have the cash.

D: Well, he should save up.

M: BUT HE HAS TO PAY FOR SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, we have had this conversation at least five times. He doesn't get it, and it makes me feel so annoyed and angry and, in a weird way, guilty. Poor Chad. Really, he works his butt off, and he's so diligent, and he hardly ever spends money on himself, and still, STILL, my parents can't respect him. They can't see any good in him, and I can't understand why. He's such a good, honest, trustworthy, hardworking person. I can't say enough good things about him, and I don't know...who do they want me to be with? Someone who lets me walk all over him? Because that's what I think this comes down to - they've heard him be dead-honest with me, they've seen me make him breakfast, and they think I should be with some pansy who treats me like a volcano who will explode on him if he doesn't worship my toes. Well, I'm sorry - I don't want a woman for a boyfriend, I want someone with balls. I want a guy who will be honest with me, who will tell me when I'm out of line, and when I need to grow up. I want someone who sees me as a person, not a prize to be won, and that's who I've found. I just hate that they can't love him, and I worry that it will make our relationship harder, in the end. But it can't all be rainbows and hearts, right?