I want today...

Remember that song, from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

I want today,
I want tommorrow,
I want to lock it all up
in my pocket,
it's my bar of chocolate!
Give it to me,
now!

..The one that the bratty girl sings? I used to love that song. Not particularly because it was pretty, or anything, but because I was little, and she was a brat, and I have this weird admiration for people who have the balls to be something I never could - astronauts, veterinarians, doctors. I could never be as bratty as she was; I would feel too guilty. And so I kind of liked her, and kind of liked her song.

I like that concept. Not of demanding things, but of keeping a day, because its my bar of chocolate - my oppertunity, my chance. I've been so stressed this week, and up until now, I have maintained a positive attitude. No one is very sympathetic, though, and I'm frustrated and stressed and I feel like I'm about to break, and I just want someone to tell me they get it, and I'm not crazy, or weak, or anything...just human. Don't they get it? That it's not just today, or this week, but that for the past year, the past YEAR, I'vew had the world on my shoulders? That I feel so angry, and hurt, and rejected....that I feel guilty, and most of all, I feel like a failure, because I can't fix what she's done? My whole inside is just this awful war, barren and angry and full of landmines that even I can't map out.

But today is my day, and tommorrow, and the next. I love my sister, and I love my family, but I can't let them rob me of my happiness. I can't fix what's been done, but I CAN worry about me, and maintaining my own mental health...it's not like anyone else is going to do it for me. Maybe this is all common sense, but this week has been so awful, and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I am deciding here and now to be happy. Excercise has been helping, but I am implementing something else....

Five worderful things about my day. From now on, every day. Because I am bound and determined to enjoy my life, before I am a sick, ugly old lady.

1. I got a good parking spot

2. I got a good partner in Interviewing

3. I found out that I get ton of extra credit for showing up - an A in bio is still a total possibility.

4. I'm going to go frost a cake with my little sister, who now hugs me everyday <3

5. I don't have much homework, so I get to write a lot tonight.

Tommorrow is not going to suck...I refuse. I absolutely refuse to not enjoy my life.