We didn't think it would be so bad. i knew it was a drug movie, that it was sad....it's the kind of thing that gets to anyone. But toward the end there, when it got bad, all I could do was say 'ohmigod.' Just over and over and over again.
It starts with this kid, Harry. He's twenty-something, and he's visiting his mom, who lives in a senior center...the kind of apartment building where old people live, but no one really keeps tabs on them. He takes her TV, to sell for heroin money. She's so happy just to see him...his father is dead and he barely visits, he's her only son. She watches this stupid inspirational show, Tappy, all the time. It's the only thing she has, and he takes it from her, doesn't even stay to talk. He sells it and gets heroin, and he and his buddy Ty get high, and he taks some to his girlfriend, Marian, and they get high.
But it's okay. His mom has been invited to be a contestant on Tappy's show. She's going to loose 10 pounds so she can fit into the red dress she wore to Harry's graduation, before her husband dies. She can't seem to loose the weight, so she goes to this doctor who gives her all these pills - pills for meals, pills for morning, pills for night. She doesn't realize it's speed.
But then Harry is selling heroin and he buys her a new TV, he tries to do right by her, and he realizes that she's on speed and tries to get her to stop, but she explains that loosing weight and Tappy's show are all she has, all that's left to wake up for. He doesn't tell her that drugs are ruining his life, because he knows it would kill her. she wants so badly to believe that her son is good. She invites him to dinner, he agrees to bring Marian.
But then he gets high, and his supplier gets shot and there's no heroin, anywhere. He Ty and Marian are going through crazy withdrawl, and they have no money. His mom can't stop popping speed. She gets completely strung out and gets on a train to Madison Square Gardens, but she doesn't know if it's the right train or not. They haven't told her yet if she'll be on the show or not, but she keeps having visions of winning, of being thin and beautiful in her red dress. At the same time that she's being taken to the hospital, Ty and Harry get arrested in Florida because Harry's needle hole is infected and Ty takes him to the hospital. Ty goes to jail and Harry has to have his arm amputated, and they lock up his mom and cut off her red hair because they think she's crazy. Marian starts having sex for Coke, and Harry calls her from the hospital to promise that he's coming home. He wakes up after his amputation calling her name. The nurse tells him that she's coming and he says..'no. she's not.'
and you know he's right.
It was awful. My mother was everywhere. Promising things would be okay and believing it, even though there was no way...even though there is no way. And that old lady, wandering around so proud of her son, so deluded, and the way people looked at her like she was crazy..that is my mother. It hurt so bad, to see the look on Harry's face when he realized over and over what his addiction had done to him....how many times has she felt like that? How often does she get off the phone upset, realizing that she screwed me over, that she screwed us all over for her booze and her pot and her men? How many beers does it take to drown it all out?
I was sitting there on Cassie's couch, biting my arm so she wouldn't hear me sobbing. I have never cried so much during a movie....my mother. My poor, poor mother.
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