My heart is in my throat right now, because I miss you. Because three and a half years is so long, and we have spanned a thousand lifetimes, dozens of deaths and ressurections, in that time. That last night is always the worst, when there are no more excuses to stay awake, and all that's left is to wait for morning, when you'll be ripped from me...
And I know Andrews is important. I wish...I wish you could feel it, the way I do. It is so hard to do this on my own, to leave you when you want so badly for me to stay, and when I can't imagine what it will be like to have you ripped even further from me, to be the cause of my own pain...but it is so vital to me, so important to get out of this God-forsaken town, and free myself from the angry liar I've become. I want to be alive again, I want to laugh and sing all the time, instead of only when I'm sleep-deprived. I used to be that way all the time, but that girl died long before you met me....but if given the chance, I'd bring her back. Can you understand that? I want you to understand, and to feel it, and to really get it...that I am not chosing me over you, in that way, that I don't want to leave you....I fear so strongly what I will become if I don't go.
I will miss you so much. It breaks my heart to think of it, but at that same time....I'm so excited. Couldn't you do just one happy dance with me?
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