I suck at this

..I am not a good older sister.

I feel awful. Katelynn and Sabrina are easy. I tickle them, read with them, have a few conversations with them, and we're good. But Erin annoys me. everything she does, says....everything grates on my nerves.

She has almost no personality. I know I shouldn't compare her to me...that I'm weird, or whatever. When I was her age, though....I had read 'A Christmas Carol', and 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' a bazillion times. I was trying to read 'Jane Eyre' and 'Great Expectations'....I WAS reading Jack London, and I adored him, every last bit. But she won't read anything. She reads these tiny American Girl books, 60 pages, and brags to me...and I'm like ' so what?'...only I pretend to be impressed, 'cause i'm not THAT much of a jerk. And she loves High School musical and Hannah Montana, because she sees other girls her age who like them, so she figures she should too, even though she's never seen any of them. And she says that non-christian music and dancing are bad, because that's what my mom says, and so she figures she should too. But where is Erin? Is there anything beneath all the pretentious annoyingness? Who IS she?

The other day, Matt and Erika were over playing their wii....Jason and Anna have a wii as well, they brought it on vacation with us. And Erin has played it once, maybe twice in her life...and she spent the whole time telling my brother what to do, and how to play, even though she didn't really know. My little sister is THAT KID - the one who talks about movies she walked into the room when her parents were watching, as if she knows the whole plot line. The one you don't really want to sit down at your lunch table, who does anyway. The one who calls you her friend, when you've only spoken to her twice, maybe. That's who my little sister is, and I am ashamed to admit that I can't stand to be around her much, either.

I feel like I should try to bond with her...but if I let her wathc me play sims, she gets really bossy, and tells me where I should go and what I should do. Or if I take her shopping, she tells me what I should buy, and that she thinks everything I pick out is ugly, and that I shouldn't, shouldn't, shouldn't. And she narcs to my mom, so I can't trust her, and she judges EVERYTHING by those perfect standards my mother holds that I will never live up to...so when she's with me, it's like I'm failing her, too, by not being pious enough or pretty enough or skinny enough or big-breasted enough. I can't stand to be around her for more than an hour.....I am such a bad older sister.