return.

So, I really thought Ash was going to kill herself tonight. She's just messed up right now, she texted me to tell me she might do something stupid, and I high-tailed it to her house.

It's been so long since I put up with this kind of drama. And it was okay..I handled it fine, I was worried, I'm still worried, but it's okay. I'm pretty sure she'll be okay. I forgot though, the way someone not eating can make me not want to eat. I am not invincible....why did I think I was? I'm still jealous and angry and scared...sometimes I think I always will be. What is left inside the shell of that furious girl? What have I got that's worth having?

I felt like such a hypocrite. She kept saying she didn't care if she died, and I didn't push her, but I made the 'that's bull shit' face. What about all those nights, though, when I cried for my mom? What about all those times I lifted my hands up, shut my eyes, and waited for the car to crash?

I am not so far beyond her. And if I don't watch myself, if I am not vigilant, I could wind up there again.