Funeral plans and life insurance and what if, what if, what if....it seems so disrespectful, that shell is planning for her death while she's still alive.
It's so hard to escape. I can't sleep, and I can't stop eating, or jiggling...and when I finally, finally stop thinking about it, and move on to another thought, she brings it up, or says something...stop. just stop. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to sit here and worry and cry and twist my hands together....my heart hurts more than you can possibly understand. Have you ever lost a parent? No. no, you haven't. So shut up, and stop acting like I have no right to feel upset. That's the worst thing ever, the worst thing in the world, for you to tell me whether or not my mom is worth mourning, whether or not I loved her deeply. What the fuck do you know about her and me? What the fuck do you know about my feelings, my heart, my love? This is not your life, this is not your problem, this is not your heart, and you have no right to come in and organize my feelings, assuming you know where everything ranks in importance, where everything belongs.
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