Massachusetts, international adoption.....

So I woke up this morning thinking about something that had really bothered me yesterday:

As I was leaving work, two parents were chatting outside the building. Each of them had adopted a child - one mother from China, the other from Guatemala (sp?). They were talking about the adoptiongs, and Guatemala mom kept saying things like, "Yeah, we were expecting her a year ago, but she just go here three months ago..."

And China mom was responding with things like "Really? We got ours from China when she was 11 months old..."

The whole conversation...it could have been about anything, from the sound of it. Cars, or books...I half expected Guatemala mom to say that her kid had been on back order, or layaway....it was so repulsive. I know people adopt kids from other countries, and in a way, I think it's very noble of them. I don't like how it's becoming a status symbol, though. It costs thousands of dollars to adopt a child from another country. There's all sorts of red tape, and the process can take years. Years! Which is most of the argument I've heard against foster adoption. 'It takes too long, and there are no guarantees.' Same thing about adopting from teen mothers - what if the mom decides not to give you the baby when she finally has her? International adoption has no guarantees either, though. It's a heap of unnecessary bother, especially when there are so many kids in our country who need homes. I'm all for reaching out, but why reach out to China when there are children in Wilkes-Barre who need homes?

Which brings me back to status. When you adopt a child from China, everyone knows you have tons and tons of money. You also get a beautiful, exotic child, and, as a bonus, everyone will know what a great person you are! But what about the kid? My sister is Vietnamese, I am very, very muchRussian, and my family is a bunch of Polish-Austrian-Italian blends. We don't look like them. I could pull it off - with brown eyes, I can sort of pretend to be Italian. Sort of. But my sister? No way. and everyone knew, and it made her miserable. She is beautiful, and so thin, and absolutely glorious, but that one factor bothered her so, so much. I can only imagine how international adoption kids feel. It sucks when everyone knows...as a kid, I always hated having it right there in all my records, on all my papers, telling the whole world. I'm not sure it's fair to the kids. Obviously it's waaay better than sitting in an orphanage, but it still has to totally suck.

Right. So, Boston - I think I am going to AUC. It's still hanging in the balance, but I'm afraid not to, at this point. I'm afraid of never gaining true independence. I'm afraid of letting my duty to other people dictate what I do and how I live my life...and I'm afraid of letting certain women's decisions affect me too much. I'm afraid to leave them because she left them. I know it's not the same, but I've been holding things together this year, spewing out eternal optimism, explaining reasoning, like a go-between, even when she didn't realize it. What will happen if I go? Will their relationship just crumble? Will they start to hate her again? Will they take down every picture of her that has ever existed?

I can see myself in Massachusetts. In most of my mental pictures of myself in Mass., I am sitting on the from porch of some huge Victorian place, with spiderwebs and splintering banisters. There is usually a book involved, something prestigious, and it is autumn. I hear that the fall foliage is beetter up there than it is around here, and we have some pretty decent foliage, so it has to be gorgeous. The more I doubt myself, the more I feel like I need to go. But I don't want this to be me doing it because it sounds fun, or because I'm bored of the idea of Bloom. Bloom is a good school, right? I don't want to not go because it's scary, either. Ultimately, I'm going to go look at it this summer, and then I am going to have a year to decide if I really want to go.

Degrassi is on. Degrassi is awesome, and totally embarassing at the same time. The drama is ridiculous, and silly, but it has this warm spot in my heart, ever since Lita and I got sick, and spent four days watching an entire season, over and over. I had to sneak into her room, but it was totally worth it. We have had some good times, but I think my happiest year with her was that first one, when she was just a few steps away, and neither of us had been at BMA for long enough to be very ....involved. We played in the rain so much that first year.

Things haven't changed much, I suppose. It's more like we've changed, and our friendship has changed with us. No longer are we little girls playing in the rain, now we are grown up girls making deviled eggs and watching America's Next Top Model. I really want to go down and see her now, I wish I didn't have to go to work every day...

I have the third of July off. I could go then. I kind of wanted to hang around for the park fireworks, but it's Sabbath anyway, and everyone is so lame around here anyway.....