graveyard

Today after work, my Bible study was canceled, so I walked to this church by my house - it looks really cool from a little down the hill. I got caught up in the graveyard, though - some of the tombstones are really, really old, and they are beautiful, sort of captivating.

Chad and I usually go sledding on the hill next to this graveyard. Cemetaries don't really scare me, when I lived with my birth mom there was one in our backyard, and I have lived with one on the corner ever since then. I think there is a peaceful beauty there, if I am allowed to say that. It's a little weird to think that there are rotting bodies beneath your feet when you walk, but once you get over that, it's interesting.

Last year, in April or something, Chad and I went for a walk and just sort of relaxed on the hill next to the graveyard. This kid lives in the house across the street, and he came over to talk to us. We stayed there for a half an hour or so, he smoked a cigarrette while we talked, and then we left. It was a cool moment - he and I have lived a couple hundred yards away from eachother our entire lives, and yet we had never met before.

Well, today while I was taking pictures of all the flowers that had been blown from the graves to a nearby ditch (they were laying there with broken bottles and beer cans. It was sort of poetic.) The same kid called me over, and we started talking. When he asked me for my phone number, I gave it. I mean, I totally intended to make up the last four digits, but I am apparantly incapable of lying, because my real digits sort of blurted out. He wanted to hang out tonight, but I told him I couldn't and now he wants to call me tommorrow. I didn't think he would call...is that weird? I can't tell you how many people have asked for my number or programed mine into their phone, and we never talk. Ever. So I am hoping he forgets, or gets busy, or was really as messed up as I think he was, and won't recognize my name tommorrow.

I know it was dangerous, and stupid. I don't know what I was thinking, but I changed my voicemail so that it just reads the number, and I am hoping that if I ignore him enough, he will stop calling, or think I faked him out. I feel bad about this, especially since I will probably see him again. But what else can I do? I can't think of anywhere I would be comfortable hanging out with him, and I wouldn't want to go anywhere he invited me - I know his friends, and they aren't the type I'd feel safe around. In a perfect world, we would be able to hang out without me feeling endangered, but I can't think of anything that would work. So.