well, yes. He is.

I am near exploding, right now.

Does no one remember Stephanie? Does no one remember giving me hell because my boyfriend was going for italian ice and coffee and lunch with another girl? Or how about the girl he took to church? Or how about his coworkers, who are mostly female, his youth group with a bunch of pretty girls? That's right - my boyfriend hangs out with other girls, and I don't have a damn problem with it. I don't trust them but I trust him, and it takes two to tango, so I know that as long as he's involved nothing bad is going to happen.

Now. I have mostly female friends. I work with women. I don't really talk to any guys in my classes. I hang out with ONE guy - Ryan. One. And sure, we hang out a lot. But I hang out with Cassie a lot, too, and Ryan is like the only other person out here who wants to do things. So...why the double standard? Why can he be around women, but if I'm around a guy I need to be 'careful'? Ryan isn't going to do anything, he knows I'll kill him, and if he does anything...the friendship's over. Finito. So why is it so different?

It's not Chad's fault...he's been good about this. I'm just so sick of everyone else on my back, like if they don't remind me, I'm going to mess it all up for myself. I know I've made dumb decisions, but I love Chad, and I love what our future looks like, and I love who I am with him. He is incredible, and I know when I've struck gold....I'm not dumb, I'm not. I just wish my family and friends would have faith in me. It stings to see that even though I've come so far, I'll always be a fuck up in their eyes.