So.....tonight between shifts, I am trying to facebook chat with Pj, and it is going nowhere.
I remember earlier, in April, how I hated that he didn't even care that Ryan and I were getting close...that he was being replaced. I wanted someone, anyone, to care enough to step out there for me, to fight, to say 'hey, that's mine!'. How can a human being be of worth, when no one will claim her?
But he wasn't jealous or angry or upset...he just handed me over like a doll he was done with. And I gave up. And it seemed like I was trading Pj for Ryan.
And then the breakup happened, and perhaps I traded Chad for Ryan, too.
.....but now, I have Ryan, and Ryan's affection, and Ryan's desire. I have a boy who looks jealously at anyone who even thinks to think about me...a boy who wants all of me, my heart my mind my silly thoughts, my giggles and tears and my morning tickles. I lost a friend who didn't want me, a boyfriend who wouldn't try.....
...and I don't feel guilty. Because I am with someone who gives back all I pour out, someone who won't leave me feeling empty.
