They are saying the same things to me that they said to Lisa. I treat the house like a hotel, I'm never home, I don't spend enough family time. But I can't take off work constantly to go on their expeditions, and I can't keep coming home at 5 to a house where no one speaks, and I can't stand lingering in my sister's shadow, when every move I make is a reflection of something she did.
So yes. I am gone from 5 to 12 most nights, and I do a number of things in those 7 glorious hours. Some nights I am with friends, but others I am alone, and some nights I giggle and some nights I cry. But wherever I am there is noise and movement, signs of the living, which is more than I can say for this airtight, silent existence.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
need you.
Last night, a few of us were talking about relationships, and things. And I had this thought.
You know how it's the biggest thing, to tell someone you need them? What is that, anyway? You need oxygen, you need food, you need human contact. But you don't need it from one specific human. People are not constant; they change and grow and evolve. How can you need something that's always different? What if you need it the way it was, and not hte way it is now?
I don't believe it's a compliment, for someone to need me like that. And I would never want to need any one person. Yes, I need people who care in my life, but I can always find a someone. To me it's a greater compliment, it means more for someone to want to be around me not because they need me for their own survival, but because they love me. Need only encompasses their heart and desires and urges. To love someone goes further than what they give you, it extends through that person's good days and bad days, their ugly moments and trials and those awful, rainy days when you've been together for a moment too long. Love is acceptance, love is compassion. I would rather someone who can be happy for me and sad for me, someone who wants to protect and cherish, someone I want to protect and cherish, than someone who can't function without me. In then end, the friends and lovers and family memebers who love you will stick around long after the friends and lovers and family memebers who need you have found a better fill for those needs.
You know how it's the biggest thing, to tell someone you need them? What is that, anyway? You need oxygen, you need food, you need human contact. But you don't need it from one specific human. People are not constant; they change and grow and evolve. How can you need something that's always different? What if you need it the way it was, and not hte way it is now?
I don't believe it's a compliment, for someone to need me like that. And I would never want to need any one person. Yes, I need people who care in my life, but I can always find a someone. To me it's a greater compliment, it means more for someone to want to be around me not because they need me for their own survival, but because they love me. Need only encompasses their heart and desires and urges. To love someone goes further than what they give you, it extends through that person's good days and bad days, their ugly moments and trials and those awful, rainy days when you've been together for a moment too long. Love is acceptance, love is compassion. I would rather someone who can be happy for me and sad for me, someone who wants to protect and cherish, someone I want to protect and cherish, than someone who can't function without me. In then end, the friends and lovers and family memebers who love you will stick around long after the friends and lovers and family memebers who need you have found a better fill for those needs.
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